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From CAPCOM…makers of the somewhat-successful PHOENIX WRIGHT: ACE ATTORNEY series that actually spawned a silly live-action movie in Japan…comes the latest shocking innovation in simulator gameplay and visual novels…

ROTTEN EGG RONG…REALISTIC ATTORNEY!

At long last, gamers have the opportunity to live the life of a real attorney, as they must…

DIVERSIFY THEIR CASELOADS

…beyond straight criminal cases to include shocking matters such as…

DIVORCE SETTLEMENTS

…and…

TOXIC TORT

…and…

MEDIATIONS!

Right from the start, strap on your thinking cap as you are immediately thrown into the hot seat and must…

File the Worker’s Compensation Claim issued by the alleged injured!

And…

Collect a retainer!

From the client before beginning work so they can’t totally stiff you…

Spend long hours of grueling gameplay doing real lawyer tasks such as…

Playing phone tag with your client!

And…

Swapping emails!

And…

Arguing with irrational divorcees!

And…

Getting in lengthy discussions about how it would be too expensive to pursue a given course of legal action!

And especially…

Explaining that your certificate of service clearly said that you would pass on the costs of the court reporter during depositions to their bill so they STILL have to pay!

Brace your self for the exciting new mode of gameplay…

FILING MOTIONS!

Because real attorneys can’t just ‘get’ the information they need or force the opposing council to do anything…you’ll need to file…

Notices of Depositions!

Requests for Interrogatories!

Motions to Register a Complaint!

Motions to AMEND a Registered Complaint!

Requests for SUPPLEMENTAL Interrogatories!

Motions OBJECTING to Interrogatories!

Motions Pursuant to Rule 178 of Minnesota State Law Governing Guardianship!

AND INFINITELY MORE!

Spend hours on the phone system trying to contact…

EXPERT WITNESSES!

And discuss their large fees and what times would be good to meet, before you must call them ten times a day requesting the expert opinion that you asked them for a month ago, only for them to…

Say they never got the request in the first place and gave you a report presenting the wrong opinion five days before the hearing!

Spend hours upon hours reviewing…

EMPLOYEE MEDICAL RECORDS!

And…

INCOME TAX INFORMATION!

Make your eyeballs bleed as you look over…

BORING SCIENTIFIC LITERATURE!

As you desperately search for…

Points of contention and ambiguity that can be presented in trial!

And when all is done finally comes the big moment you’ve spent four months of game time preparing for, the big event where your brains and evidence is put to the test…

No, not the trial. I’m talking about…

DEPOSITIONS!!

Many sizes, many flavors!

EVIDENCE DEPOSITIONS!

DISCOVERY DEPOSITIONS!

WITNESS DEPOSITIONS!

EXPERT DEPOSITIONS!

AND MANY, MANY MORE!

Chalked full of side games to make you hate lawyers and forever tarnish your idealistic vision of the legal profession, such as…

Scheduling conflicts!

Long trips to sites of depositions!

Secretaries misplacing files!

Lost retainer checks!

Heading down to the post office to check your P.O. box!

And, of course…

BILLING TIME!

Because as an attorney, every six minutes of your life has to be accounted for using legal code standards such as…

DEPOSITION!

RESEARCH!

APPEAR/ATTEND!

DRAFT/REVISE!

REVIEW/ANALYZE!

COMMUNICATION WITH CLIENT!

COMMUNICATION OUTSIDE!

COMMUNICATION WITH FIRM!

COMMUNICATION (MISC.)!

AND…YOU GUESSED IT…MORE!

Finally, after 18 months of sweat, blood, tears, and sleepless nights, you will reach the moment you’ve been waiting for, the moment where lawyers shine…and finally achieve the coveted goal of…

SETTLED OUT OF COURT FOR 5% BAW (BODY-AS-A-WHOLE)!!!

Now you only need to take care of the other 45 clients whose cases you were handling at the same time! What, did you think lawyers made professions off of only doing five cases over an extended period?

ROTTEN EGG RONG: REALISTIC ATTORNEY

…Because lawyers do a lot more than murders and dressing badly in court.

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