I’m a huge fan of “One Piece”, actually…which means this hurts me more than it hurts them, but still has to happen…
Obviously, this is my knock off of the “How It Should Have Ended” series on Youtube. Very funny. I suggest you check it out!
HOW IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED (OR…SHOULD END): ONE PIECE
(Shot of the Thousand Sunny pulling up to a mysterious and foreboding-looking island and docking.)
LUFFY: Alright! A new island to get hung up and keep us from our goal of sailing around the world and beating up the Navy and the Pirate Emperors for the next six or so mangas! And look, it’s full of danger and creepy stuff too! (Claps his hands) Alright…me, Sanji, Brook, and Frankie will go on shore this time! The rest of you guard the ship!
NAMI: (Stares blankly for a moment) Um…I’m going to have to say no this time.
(Luffy and the others look curiously to her.)
NAMI: Yeah…definitely no. Every time we arrive on a new island like this the first thing we do is divide everyone up, one side runs into trouble, the other gets captured or arrested or something, and we spend the next few days trying to find each other while some new Devil Fruit user beats us up. I say we all stick together for once.
ZOLO: (Gruff look) You’re challenging the captain, which means you have to best the captain or get off the ship.
LUFFY: That’s right! (Gears up for a fight)
NAMI: (Pauses, then points over the edge of the ship) …There’s a big pile of cooked meat in the shallows over there.
(Luffy jumps off the ship and immediately begins to drown.)
NAMI: Ok, fight over! Everyone off the ship together now!
(Scene cuts to a bit later on the open ocean, with everyone back.)
NAMI: Alright…according to the Log Pose…the last island on the Grand Line is just up ahead. We get there and we’ve finally sailed around the entire world!
USOPP: …Does anyone find it a bit confusing that although we’ve sailed around the entire world, no one except Gold Roger’s ever been to this island? I mean…technically can’t you just get there sailing the opposite way from the start?
(Blank stares from everyone.)
NAMI: Um…er…well…the Log Pose didn’t point that way when we started.
USOPP: …So couldn’t we have just sailed back along one of the oceans where you can navigate normally, gone into the Grand Line from there, and THEN sail to the last island in the chain?
(More blank stares…until…)
LUFFY: (Bellowing) THAT’S TOO EASY! REAL PIRATES GO THROUGH THE PATH OF MOST RESISTANCE NO MATTER HOW MUCH HEARTACHE AND TERRIBLE, EMOTIONAL, AND HEART RENDERING AGONY IT CAUSES!
(All of the guys bow down to him like Moses, while the girls just facepalm…as usual.)
NAMI: Wait a sec…there’s something on the spyglass!
(Everyone looks out and sees a large and intimidating ship headed for them. On board is Blackbeard and his crew of super-miscreants.)
BLACKBEARD: Zee-ha-ha! Now, Monkey D. Luffy, we will see which of us is truly worthy of the title of Pirate King!
(Back to the ship, Luffy looks pissed.)
LUFFY: Alright…land us on the nearest island! We’ll beat them up and become the biggest pirates in the world!
(Everyone gears up for battle…except Robin, who’s reading a magazine on a lawn chair on deck. Suddenly, she folds it up, lets out a sigh, and then begins to get up.)
ROBIN: …Ok, I think I’ve had enough of you all doing reckless and stupid things at this point. (Looks to Frankie) Frankie, you built the Thousand Sunny with really powerful cannons on it, right?
ROBIN: (Looks to Usopp) Usopp…you’re supposed to be some sort of legendary-level marksman who can knock the wings off a fly at 300 yards and all that, right?
USOPP: Um…yeah, I guess so.
ROBIN: Alright…Usopp, shoot a cannonball into the hull of that thing and sink it with one shot.
(He pauses a moment, but then shrugs and goes to the nearest big cannon, aims it at Blackbeard’s ship, and fires. It’s a perfect hit…and soon Blackbeard and his crew are looking rather uneasy as their ship begins to sink to the bottom of the ocean. Robin, meanwhile, gets out a megaphone and calls out to it.)
ROBIN: Oh boys? You know what the bad part is about having your entire crew be Devil Fruit users with super powers? Not one of you can swim.
(The bad guys hopelessly clambor about until they go into the water and drown. Everyone else is dumbfounded. Robin tosses the megaphone away and begins to go below the hold as they see their chance to be manly destroyed.)
ROBIN: You’ll all tell me if there’s a Ponegliff on the last island in the Grand Line, won’t you? Thanks, because I need a bath…