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(WARNING: This is an angry rant and is full of more profanity than usual.)

To borrow a phrase from “Cinemascare” on Youtube…you know what’s bullsh’t?

THE ONE PIECE SKYPEIA STORY ARC, THAT’S WHAT!

Pretty much the whole series is bullsh’t at this point. It’s kind of degenerated. Like how the backstories have dominated way too much of the series. Back in the first volume it took all of six pages or so to go through Zolo/Zoro’s little sob story that all of the Straw Hats seem legally obligated to have before they can join the crew so you can overlook them being jackasses and dumbasses later. By the time we get to Nico Robin they spend over half the damn manga talking about it, and then by the time we get to the New World that giant whale-sized goldfish princess gets a whole frickin’ manga devoted to her back story…and she isn’t even part of the crew! She’ll probably never even show up again in the series except for those little vignettes he does before new chapters! No wonder this thing is running four times longer than Oda planned!

On that note…NAMES! The f***ing Straw Hats can’t even stop at an island to take a whizz nowadays without making the dang reader learn the names of ten new henchmen who amount to fodder for whoever’s not Luffy before we get to the point where it will be him alone versus the Big Bad for that story arc like it’s been in every other storyline until now! Not to mention the new customs and all that crud! Do I really care about f***ing ship sealant? Just take less than two years to get to Fish-Man Island! Did anyone still remember who Hatchi was at that point?! All that crap does is provide the nerds who have nothing better to do than worship the manga with stuff to point out that’s inconsistent in everything you say!

Or Devil Fruit powers! Whatever happened to the days in which they were a rarity? When some of the protagonists would have their own skill sets? Of course all non-Luffy Straw Hats are wimps…they’re all still normal humans and the few ones with Devil Fruit powers have ones that suck! Even Luffy started to suck and so they had to make him psychic! PSYCHIC! Of all things! Mr. Rubber Man who makes Son Goku look like Albert Einstein somehow has enough functional brain cells to knock thousands of people out at once with his mind! He kind of has to because everyone has Devil Fruit powers nowadays, and almost all of them are Logia now! Remember back in the day when Crocodile showed up how it was such a big deal that he could turn himself into sand, because how are you supposed to fight a pile a sand? Now everyone pulls that crap!

Not to mention it makes writing fanfiction impossible…

ONE PIECE FANFICTION WRITER: Ok…what power should this bad guy have? Um…turning things to stone? No…that’s Hancock although she never uses it now…just makes the same joke about thinking everything Luffy says is a profession of love… Rusting things? No…that son-of-a-bitch who lasted all of two panels whose only purpose was to ruin Zolo’s blades again had that… Tsunamis! Wait! Those come from earthquakes, which is… DAMNIT!

Stop being such a greedy bastard and leave something for the fandom, Oda!

But before I get too far off topic, let’s stick to the matter at hand. Once again, for those of you who may have forgotten…

THE ONE PIECE SKYPEIA STORY ARC IS PURE BULLSH’T.

It’s probably been so long ago by now most people don’t even remember it. To me, it marks that part where Oda started going off the deep end. The Baroque Works story arc just concluded, and the Straw Hats had a new crew member in the form of the enigmatic Nico Robin…

Although what she does on the ship other than sunbathe and be another mouth to feed and a roommate for Nami is kind of a mystery. She’s an archeologist and none of them have enough brains to appreciate that even if she ever does uncover the “true history” of the world or whatever she’s looking for…and she sold herself initially as an assassin, in which case she sucks at her job because none of the Straw Hats have ever killed anybody. Even Robin didn’t kill that one bastard from CP9…

Anyway, when the Straw Hats got to Water Seven and did that arc, they’d spend about fifteen mangas trying to rescue Robin (which itself is bullsh’t in that “rescue story arcs” seem to take three times as long as any other story arc in manga/anime…maybe all manga authors grew up playing Super Mario Bros. and were used to being cheated for seven worlds of obnoxious toadstools telling them the princess was in another castle before they could finally get down to business). Naturally, they needed to build up some comradery before that happened. (…or maybe not. Luffy would pretty much risk his life to save Adolf Hitler if he gave him an Oreo cookie at one point…) So, we get the Skypeia story arc.

Normally, “filler” is left to whoever is writing the TV series, especially in the case of “One Piece” where the TV series is ongoing in parallel to the manga. Yet Oda seemed to feel the need to supplement the series with this little six-to-seven manga diversion known as “Skypeia”.

After spending a manga getting their ship to be launched into the heavens to land on an island no one knows about in the rest of the entire world and therefore has no connection or point to any of the plot, the group finds themselves in yet another situation (which is pretty much par for the course) where we’ve got a society of haves and have-nots quibbling over a piece of ground. We also got lots of henchmen they have to deal with and these shell “dial” things that…um…store…stuff…and release it…whatever. We get to see the group split up yet again, which routinely leads to their downfall. (Seriously, even in “Scooby-Doo”, at one point they realized splitting up always led to trouble. Does that make the Straw Hats dumber than the collective intelligence of Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy, and a Great Dane? Yes…yes it does.) In short, same stuff from every series only having no real impact on the plot other than to tie everyone up…

But then we get to our “Big Bad” for this story arc: (Kami) Eneru. Google an image of this prick. His face might as well be a sign that says “smack me”. He was supposed to be a pretty big deal, and debatably he was given the time. After all, he was a Logia type for lightning, meaning he could turn himself into lightning if he wanted. (Ok, we just got done with the Sandman, now we have Electro. Who does Luffy get to fight next? Doctor Octopus? [Actually more like Kraven the Hunter…]) Makes him pretty powerful…which also leads him to be a pretty smug bastard. Actually thinks of himself as a god and refers to himself in the third person and everything. (That might have meant something at the time but now basic-level henchmen for one of the Pirate Emperors could pretty much do a dance on his face if they want…) But what’s the most bullsh’t at all about him?

Well, since he’s lightning, nothing can hurt him. Not unless you could find a way to negate his power. Hmm…what negates lightning? Why, an insulator of course. So can you just beat him over the head with a piece of wood? Well, no…it’s got to be, according to fiction, the only insulator on Earth which can perfectly stop lightning without heat loss: rubber. But whatever era/planet/etc. “One Piece” takes place on doesn’t just have pieces of rubber lying everywhere…so what happens?

One of the crew members who doesn’t have Devil Fruit powers makes themselves a sword or a pair of brass knuckles out of sea prism and just beats the sh’t out of any Devil Fruit user they run into!

Wait, no…sorry. I was thinking the Straw Hats would do something that made logical sense and would make a difficult situation easy for a change. No…they rely on the one member of the group who’s made of rubber to pretty much fight him by himself: Luffy.

What. The. F***.

If you needed any more justification and certification this late in the story that the whole purpose behind any villain in any story arc is to simply build up to “Luffy saves everyone”, similar to how the buildup of every arc in “Dragonball” was to “Goku saves everyone”, it doesn’t get any more explicit than that. “I’ll make this really powerful new villain who it was already certain that Luffy would have to take him alone anyway…but let’s make it so that Luffy is the only one who can even hurt him to begin with!” What cheap bullsh’t. How would you like to pick up a Justice League story arc that ran ten issues with a villain that only, say, the Flash could even hit? So you’d watch Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman, and all the others get beat up for eight issues and then the Flash would jump in and save everyone. Would that make you feel the Flash was a better superhero or more “badass” than everyone else? Of course not! It was a cheap plot device!

If that isn’t enough, when Luffy finally meets up with this guy to start beating on him, they stall everything again by having him get his hand attached to that stupid gold ball and he spends an entire manga just trying to get close enough to Eneru to start hitting him again, and they make it go even longer with that stupid flashback! Who gives a *Bleep* about the first guy who visited that island? Does anyone even remember the details of the story at this point? All I remember is it had to do with a bell and some snake that ran around going “Ju-la-la!”

So what’s Eneru doing during this whole time? Only his entire evil plan of destroying the island and killing as many people as he can just because he f***ing feels like it! Not only can they not beat this guy up he’s one of the bad guys who “wins” in the series! And when Luffy is finally done smacking him around, what then?

He gets away! He’s even still smug enough to think he’s still a god after all that! He goes onto the moon where he continues to be an egotistical bastard and actually gets worshipped by a whole new race of creatures! Damn, I wish this was the “Dragonball” universe. Then I could see him get blown up twice.

So basically, it’s seven issues of a combination extended grandstand by the one character who didn’t need any more face time with a big “f*** you, all you a**holes who believe in karma”.

And that is why the One Piece Skypeia Story Arc…is PURE BULLSH’T.

 

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