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From Funimation Studios…

The group that translated “Full Metal Alchemist” and brought it over into the USA…only to later reveal that the series outstripped the manga in Japan and therefore released “Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood”, forcing you to buy two different anime series to actually get the full story…

Comes yet another translation of an anime that outstripped its manga, forcing it to end early…

SOUL EATER

Enter the world of Death City…

Which is basically Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry if it was set in the world of “The Nightmare Before Christmas”…

And enter the DWMA…an academy devoted to training its students to rid the world of monstrous historical figures who grow stronger by feeding on the souls of the living…

By…

Teaching the students to become more powerful by feeding on the souls of the living…

…Wait, what? Oh, just the “bad” souls. Got it.

And where every student falls into two categories…

The Meisters…

Powerful combatants with varieties of moves, skill sets, and training to be able to handle any form of supernatural opponent with spectacular feats and energy attacks…

And the Weapons…

Who pretty much just turn into stuff and then just hold still and get used by the Meisters to kill things with. Also, they have to be nude while transformed.

(Either this is the “easy” career path or the embarrassing one.)

Meet the top meisters and their weapons…

Maka Albarn…

A top student who loves her infamous meister mother and hates her lecherous father…in spite of the fact that her mother obviously didn’t fight very hard in court for custody of her, is always abroad and dumped her on her father, never visits her in the hospital, and only sends her postcards with vague platitudes…

Soul Eater Evans…

(…Wait, someone actually named this guy “Soul Eater”? And he’s not the main character? Isn’t that like calling the “Star Wars Trilogy” “Han Solo”?)

A creepy kid who had his lower face replaced with a bear trap and gives the voreophiles their “fix” with the way he creepily talks about how much he loves to slowly devour souls…

(I guess his parents just got “real lucky” with what they named him.)

Black Star…

An egotistical, obnoxious brat who would have died from caning in a Parochial school years ago due to his constant blasphemies…

Tsubaki Nataka…Nakatasu…Natu…Tsubaki!

A character who seems like she was literally teleported into the series from feudal Japan, confusing what exactly the role of time and space is within this series…

Death the Kid…

A character who proves you can be both the comic relief for an anime series and the strongest character…

And the Thompson Sisters…

Who somehow taught themselves to turn into guns years before they met Kid or had any form of formal education at the DWMA or anywhere else.

(So…are people just born being able to turn into weapons? I pity whatever mom gives birth to a spiked club…)

They’ll be trained by the likes of Dr. Franken Stein…

Who, just behind Dexter and Hannibal Lecter, is the only sociopathic madman you’ve ever found yourself rooting for…

Cid…

One of the first black guys you can recall in an anime who lives up to the “the black guys dies” stereotype so bad that he spends almost the entire series as a zombie…

And Death, the Grim Reaper, himself!

…I…uh…think. The series is kind of vague on whether he’s just a really strong guy or if he actually is the cause of death of everything…

They’ll go up against horrific foes! Like…

Medusa…

Whose vast array of powers is nothing compared to her combination rape-face/sh’t-eating-grin’s ability to slap around karma…

Crona…

Also known as “That One Creepy Emo Kid You Always Saw Standing By Himself In High School”…and who makes you glad you never tried to talk to him…

Arachne…

Who confirmed what you already knew for years…spiders are demonic hellspawn and should be immediately crushed no matter how tiny and non-poisonous…

Asura…

Whose character was created when the author sat down and saw how many “Creepypastas” he could shove into one individual…

And the stupidest henchmen ever!

…I mean, seriously. You wander into some forbidden room and start seeing insanity-causing illusions that make you try to kill yourself, and yet you still try to revive the guy causing them? You’re like those idiots who keep opening the puzzle box in “Hellraiser”, aren’t you?

Who are out on a demented quest to drive everyone in the world insane!

Which…for some reason…means everyone would become the raving homicidal lunatic type of insane as opposed to everyone just getting a phobia of clowns or becoming bipolar or getting ADHD types of insane…

Buckle down for intense action sequences as the weapons and their meisters move to rid the world of these villains!

…And routinely fail!

Due to plot devices like…

Freezing up in the middle of a fight! (Maka and Soul vs. Crona)

Ultimate attacks missing! (Maka and Soul in…pretty much every fight)

Delusions of grandeur! (Black Star overusing the Enchanted Sword)

No real plan! (Tsubaki vs. Masamune)

Having OCD! (Death the Kid…everywhere)

Being scared of ghosts! (Liz)

Basic stupidity! (Patty)

Simple distractions! (Stein turns his head, allowing Medusa to escape from the window and set the trap)

Constant trolling! (Medusa always having a backup plan)

And…invisible fencing! (Death reaches the limit of his range fighting Asura)

Marvel at a series that had an engaging opening…

An exciting, thrilling, action-packed middle…

…And…an ending where you can pretty much tell exactly where the manga story ran out and the anime makers took over.

Via things such as…

Ox, Kilik, and Kim, very intriguing characters in the manga, being pretty much “dumped” just as the story started to get into them!

Blair wearing a non-skimpy dress and hanging with other cat-girls!

Most villains either dying instantly or just “walking off into the sunset”!

The Creepypastas suddenly giving out!

Extremely slowed-down, drawn-out, boring finale!

Maka becoming a weapon for three minutes and ultimately serving no purpose other than to extend the final episode!

Crona suddenly forgetting he’s supposed to be afraid of his own shadow!

(Well, we got to see “Death Mech”, though.)

Enjoy a series full of heart, the nature of madness and sanity, and the ultimate value of teamwork as the characters struggle constantly to get the mysterious power of “soul resonance” to work to unlock their true potential as a team…

…Only to succeed due to things like:

Outside intervention! (Justin popping in against the golem)

More distractions! (Stein “killing” Medusa)

The enemy forfeiting! (Masamune vs. Tsubaki)

Befriending the villain! (Maka and Crona)

And…uh…

“The Stare”? (Asura being defeated by Maka staring at him)

And teaching valuable lessons! Like:

Your deranged obsessions can put those you care about in danger constantly, but things will always work out!

You can make pacts with evil and suffer no lasting consequences!

You can get stabbed through the heart…twice…and survive, but a slice across your torso will leave a scar forever!

If you’re a guy, you’re still the pervy one at fault and deserve to get hit, even if a woman who’s blatantly a harlot seizes you by the head and shoves your face in her cleavage!

And…don’t fear the Reaper!

(What’s he going to do? Give you the Death Chop?)

Starring:

Hermione Granger (Maka)

Jaws (Soul)

Black Starlord (Black Star)

Tsubakka the Six Foot Ninja (Tsubaki)

Pepe La Shinigami (Death the Kid)

Pinky and the Brain (Patty and Liz Thompson)

Evil Cheetara (Medusa)

Bolt Vanderhuge (Dr. Stein)

Madame Web (Arachne)

Humanized Graffiti (Cid)

Wolfman Jack (Free)

It’s Pat! (Crona)

Elle Driver “California Mountain Snake” (Maria)

Noh Face (Death)

And that Monster from “Pan’s Labyrinth” (Asura)

SOUL EATER!

…So are all witches “bad”? Because if they are, Black Star should have killed Angela before she had the chance to grow up and hurt people. If they aren’t, then the DWMA are a-holes for pretty much murdering them and using their souls to turn themselves into Death Scythes…

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