Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

I love “Death Battle”…most of the time. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s a series from ScrewAttack that’s also on Youtube that features pitting famous fictional characters against each other in a battle to the death to see who reigns supreme. They include all sorts of fights against iconic characters such as Boba Fett vs. Samus Aran, Batman vs. Spider-Man, Mario vs. Sonic, and (the often controversial) Superman vs. Goku. Some of their fights have left me wanting to declare “bullsh’t” more than once due to bad choices, but there’s a number I’d still like to see pop up on that station before they run out of “good ones”.

I’ve already done a fictional one for Jack Frost vs. Elsa, and I tried to think of another. And finally, I came up with this, just in time for Halloween!

They may very well end up doing this one…but just in case they don’t…how would it go?

Maybe a little something like this…

(Pardon me for not being two people like on the real “Death Battle”…I’ll have to make do the best I can by bantering with myself like a crazy person. :P)

Vampires.

Non-sparkly ones.

Powerful. Intelligent. Fast. Durable. And, most of all, immortal. Only the bravest and strongest have what it takes to kill them. Or, in some cases, have a bit of vampire blood in them too to lend a hand.

That’s right: we’re talking the dhampir. No, not a “dunpeal”, you stupid badly-translated anime! We’re talking the half human, half vampires that got all of the strengths and none of the weaknesses of the full-blooded vampires…which makes them totally badass!

And in the world of dhampirs, who else do you expect to be the greatest of all time but the ones sired by the lord of evil himself: Count Vlad Tepes Dracula…better known as Count Dracula. He’s spawned not one but two fictional half-breed sons who have nothing but thick juicy stakes-through-the heart on their mind…

Alucard…the ageless anti-hero of the Castlevania franchise…

And…

D…the legendary vampire hunter of a nightmarish post-apocalyptic future…

We’ll analyze their powers, aptitudes, strengths, and weaknesses to answer the question… Who would win a DEATH BATTLE?

ALUCARD

The hellish progenitor of all vampires, Count Dracula, long ago sold his soul to Satan and devoted his afterlife to the destruction of all things living and good in the world. The sworn enemy of all life, all goodness, and all order, Dracula was reborn time and time again throughout human history, each time trying to conquer the world with darkness and death, and requiring the legendary Belmont family to come forth and put him back in his grave for another century.

So when you pretty much pop up every hundred years just to get whacked by a muscle-bound guy in briefs swinging a whip, eventually you realize you need a girlfriend.

That might actually be partially true. In spite of his devotion to evil and the total corruption of his soul, Dracula still somehow had the ability to love when he fell for a mortal woman named Lisa. While she was pure and innocent, for one reason or another Dracula never turned her into a vampire.

And she, for an even stranger reason, wasn’t thrown off by the whole “wretched demonic hellspawn scourge of mankind” thing he had going for him.

Eventually she was executed by a village for trying to prepare medicine for them, being falsely accused of witchcraft…

I’m sure the whole “I’m doing Dracula” thing didn’t help her case…

…but before she died, she gave birth to a half-human, half-vampire child: Adrian Farenheights Tepes. Due to his parentage he possessed power far above and beyond that of “normal” vampires, but in spite of the fact that humans unjustly executed his mother, with her dying breath she begged him not to hate mankind. Taking that message to heart, Adrian refused to prey upon humans and eventually saw all vampires and even his own existence as a curse. In spite of being a half-vampire himself, he became devoted to ridding the world of them, including his own father. To help conceal his true identity, even from other nosferatu, he ended up taking the pseudonym: “Alucard”.

Seriously? That’s the best he could come up with? For goodness sakes, that was obvious back in the days of Lon Chaney Jr….

Well, apparently he thought so too, because in 20 years he’ll finally change his name to Arikado.

But…that’s just an anagram! Dude! Call yourself “Bob”! No one suspects Bob!

Physical Characteristics:

– At least 700 years old

– Enhanced stamina, speed, and agility

– Enhanced physical strength

– Increased durability

– Abnormal beauty and features

As you would expect from any dhampir, Alucard has incredible stamina and constitution, enabling him to survive things that would kill almost any other human. While it’s comparable to that of the Belmonts, one should keep in mind the Belmonts represent the peak of human physicality in most of their incarnations. His speed and agility are dramatically enhanced as well, to the point where he can appear to literally “slide backwards” to avoid a blow from minimal physical effort of his own, and move so fast that he can actually leave an “after-image” of himself behind to normal human beings.

And like any good bloodsucker, this dude is strong. He can take arrows, gunshots, explosives, large rocks being chucked at his head, and even get roasted alive and come back for more. He’s also strong enough to punch through solid stone and rip apart things like werewolves and minotaurs with nothing more than raw strength. So yeah…call him when you need that peanut butter jar opened. Also, since he’s the son of Dracula, he’s quite the handsome fella. Wait…that’s a power?

It is indeed. That puts all female opponents at a natural disadvantage with him. Even without trying, Alucard’s natural beauty disarms women and makes them more hesitant to strike or focus on combat.

Shoot…all I can do is repel them…

Being an immortal and having lived at least 700 years, one would assume Alucard would have a great pool of natural wisdom and knowledge to pull from as well.

Magical Powers:

– Accomplished magician

– Shapeshifter (Bat, Wolf, Mist)

– Teleporter

– Vampiric Heritage

If all that weren’t enough, Alucard packs some serious firepower. He’s mastered pretty much every form of holy and profane magic there is. And he can use them too. With a few waves of his hand he can summon an energy spirit to seek out his nearest guy-to-kill and beat them around. Or, if one won’t cut it, he can easily up the ante to four times the fun. He even mastered Big Daddy’s signature move of teleporting into nothingness, reappearing, and then sending a trio of fireballs out to turn any would-be attackers into deep fried undead.

Alucard’s mastery of magic has allowed him to suppress his vampiric heritage so he can survive without fresh blood, unlike other dhampirs. However, he can also “ease” the restriction on that to bring out his vampire side. When he does so, he can regenerate instantly from damage by drinking the blood of his enemies.

But who needs that when he’s such a powerful wizard he can just cast a spell that literally siphons the life out of bad guys and gives it to him?

Yet Alucard’s greatest magical ability lies in his vampiric ability to transform. There’s no telling how many different forms Alucard is capable of, but the three forms he’s best at are that of a bat, wolf, and mist.

Alucard’s bat form started off as something cute and handy to get around ugly crumbling castles without trouble. But he supercharged the hell out of that thing after napping for 300 years. Now it spits fire, summons clouds of other bats for support, goes fast enough to smash through rocks, and lets out a sonic screech that turns his opponent’s brains to jelly. Mmm, that’s good brains!

Alucard’s wolf form is even more agile than his innate body. If it gets enough running room it’s capable of achieving speeds over 200 miles per hour. Add to the fact that it’s a monstrous wolf capable of tearing the throat out of armored giant warriors and…well, you get the idea.

But if Alucard wants to play “honey badger’, nothing beats his final form. He can turn himself into a cloud of poison mist. That’s right…not only can he make himself invincible, he can kill whatever poor bastard thought they could do him in. Only problem is he can only hold this form about a minute.

Equipment:

– Relics

– Alucard’s Sword

– Dracula’s Tunic

– Twilight Cloak

– Alucard’s Shield

– Skull Ring

– Special Weapons

You think all that would be more than enough for one guy, but not Alucard. He’s got an arsenal that would make the T-800 blush. First up are his relics. Alucard enhances his already outstanding body even more with these. The God Speed Shoes double his already astonishing speed, although the best they can do is short bursts over short distances. The Leap Stone actually animates his cape, allowing him to jump a second time off of nothing but thin air. The Gravity Boots allow him to negate gravity all together and leap over 100 feet in the air with a single bound. If that wasn’t enough, he can continue to “bounce” off of air indefinitely…or until he hits an object. Only drawback: they can only go straight up.

Apparently he’s not too confident in himself because he’s got plenty of little buddies. He can summon bats, faeries, demons, ghosts, even big-ass swords to come around and fight his battles for him. Hell…no one would mess with me if I had a big-ass zweihander following me everywhere, floating in mid-air. But he can only do these one at a time, and some of them are better than others. For example, the faeries can only heal him up and protect him, while the ghosts get confused when he’s anything but his old flesh-and-bone self.

In terms of personal equipment, Alucard wears Dracula’s own tunic and the Twilight Cloak, both enhanced with dark powers derived from blood to offer the greatest in protection to a vampire. While they seem to be simple cloth they’re enough to take the strongest blows as good as plate armor of titanium. His mother gave him both his family’s shield and sword, both of which are of superior craftsmanship. The shield can withstand energy blasts although the impact can knock it out of Alucard’s grip, and the sword has a sharp enough magic edge to actually hurt demons. Aside from the infamous Vampire Killer whip, it’s the only other physical weapon shown to be capable of hurting Dracula, although it was when he was in an only semi-resurrected state.

Finally, this guy gets the real one ring to rule them all in the form of the Skull Ring. This bad boy effectively makes him 20% cooler…er, stronger in every category. And since he’s got Drac’s own blood in him, he doesn’t suffer any negative effects from it.

Yet Alucard isn’t limited to these. Thanks to his massive vampiric intellect and intelligence, Alucard can wield almost any weapon that an expert vampire killer can handle. This includes throwing knives with the speed of bullets, using magic leap stones to bounce around and pummel his opposition, scattering holy bibuti ashes for any unholy bastard to burn himself up trying to cross, or throwing big axes at flying baddies. He can even get more out of mundane items by turning a stopwatch into something that freezes or slows time, making a Holy Bible encircle him like a shield, and…throwing a bottle of holy water…which apparently is very flammable.

Holy sh’t! I got baptized by that stuff?! Anyway, this guy is apparently big on rings, because he can use this one special ring to blast a guy with a bolt of lightning, then keep chaining it on them until they get the “Texas Special” treatment. Only problem is he can’t move when that happens. About the only vampire killer weapon he can’t use is the cross boomerang because…well…”vampire”. But that doesn’t stop him from using one to summon even bigger crosses to annihilate everything around him. …How does that work?

Alucard isn’t restricted to these either. With his innate skill he’s mastered pretty much every melee and throwing weapon known to man. About the only weapon he can’t master is the Vampire Killer whip due to it only being capable of being wielded by a Belmont.

…And peanuts. Don’t forget he has a ton of problems with peanuts.

Weaknesses:

– Depression

– No true regeneration

– Aversion to holy items

– Magic stamina

– Defeated by Trevor Belmont; nearly lost to Maria Renard

Alucard unfortunately has a great deal of weaknesses. Most of his power comes from his relics and equipment. Without them, he’s quite the lesser opponent. This was made abundantly clear against Trevor Belmont, who was able to defeat him using the Vampire Killer, which, being part vampire, he’s naturally weak against. But worse than that is since he’s suppressed his vampiric heritage, he lacks any true regeneration. Although he has vastly accelerated healing and can heal quickly if he can stay in a coffin filled with his native soil or even from eating any food he finds lying around, he can’t automatically regenerate from damage unless he either drinks blood or performs his “soul stealing” spell.

And that sort of thing don’t grow on trees. Most of Alucard’s cool stuff comes from his magic, and he can’t do that forever. Eventually his magic stamina runs out and he can’t pull off any cool tricks until it regenerates. And although he’s fine with hanging around in the daylight, he’s got that annoying vampire weakness of being killed by…running water. Yeah, don’t leave the tub or shower on around this guy. He actually needs a “Holy Symbol” (translation: snorkel) to survive it all. And, as already mentioned, he can’t use a cross like a badass boomerang either.

Alucard once fought Maria Renard, an opponent strong enough to go toe-to-toe with Dracula and actually hurt him using nothing more than her own purity put into magic form. And although he won the fight, and Maria fought to “kill”, there was the fact that Maria no doubt felt the influence of his appearance during the fight. Yet Alucard’s greatest weakness comes from his own self-loathing and hatred for his own nature. It’s led him to “stay on the sidelines” numerous times since now, and it’s reasonable to assume it makes him hold back in battle.

But all that aside, Alucard’s got the tools and the talent to show that prehistoric vampire how they do things downtown!

D

In roughly the year 12,000 A.D., humanity is in a rather bleak post-apocalyptic future. Following nuclear war destroying civilization thousands of years earlier, the vampires of the world came into power and took over the planet completely.

They only had to fight off zombies, robots, and Sean Connery in the weirdest bandolier ever to do it, too.

Vampires became a ruling elite that used their vast knowledge and intellect to enact a variety of incredible machines and devices for their personal use, as well as engineered an entire planetary ecosystem of new genetically enhanced creatures to populate it, while leaving humanity to live like peasants in the dust.

So…the vampires basically did “The Hunger Games”, then?

Worse than that, I’m afraid. The blend of technology and monsters turned the world more into some setting from a “Ghosts n’ Goblins” video game, complete with hundreds of thousands of different monsters and mutants that slaughter humans left and right and make the re-engineered, primal world a living hell.

Shoot. If I got the chance to rebuild Earth any way I wanted it, I would have gone with ‘Star Wars’…

However, thousands of years later, the malaise and ennui of immortality and lack of struggle has caused vampires to decline and humans to once again rise to take over the Earth. Now, in the middle of this post-apocalyptic…well…”Castlevania”…humans living on the deadly “Frontier” region only have one hope against the last of the vampires, and that is through a class of mercenaries known as the “vampire hunters”.

And the combination “Boba Fett”/”Samus Aran” of those guys is the big bad dhampir himself who’s such a badass he only needs to use one letter for his whole name: D.

Little to nothing is known about D’s past besides one major fact: he’s the son of Dracula, who, you guessed it, is the ultimate vampire in this universe. Whether D arose from a purely natural union between Dracula and a servant human in his house, or something far more potent as Dracula genetically experimenting to try and generate the perfect humanoid, the end result was this tall, dark, and brooding killing machine.

Physical Characteristics:

– Age unknown; 18 physically

– Superhuman strength, agility, and speed

– Vampiric durability and regeneration

– “Super” dhampir

– Supernaturally beautiful

Well, this is pretty standard fare for dhampirs. He’s strong, agile, and fast just like you’d expect any good half-nosferatu. But unlike them, D actually goes the extra step and is faster and stronger than almost any other vampire. Don’t know if that’s daddy’s bloodline shining through, some genetic cocktail, or if he’s just plain that great, but he can outrun and outgun pretty much any vampire he runs into.

And while D may technically be a dhampir, he possesses all the regeneration that his vampiric side is capable of. He can almost instantly regenerate from wounds that would kill a normal person, and his stamina is totally superhuman. How superhuman? Well, once there was a trio of mutant creatures that caught him that drained the life out of humans in less than ten minutes flat. After feeding on D for 24 hours, the creatures were both gorged and too exhausted to fight any further, at which point D, not looking weakened at all, easily overcame them. So through simple interpolation, he has to have stamina greater than 144 humans combined at least.

Also he’s quite the looker. No…seriously, he is. The dude is literally so hot that all women who have…ahem…those “times of the month” immediately fall in love with him at first sight. Dude, skip the regeneration and bull, I want that power!

Not so sure about that. That means even 12 year olds and 88 year olds alike fall in love with him at first sight. Not only that, but a lot of men, even ones who didn’t realize they had a bit of bisexuality or homosexuality in them, are attracted to him too.

…Changed my mind. Now I just pity the bastard.

Vampiric Qualities:

– Reduction of weaknesses

– Animal enhancement

– Bonds of blood

– Almost unbreakable magic resistance

The best thing about D being a “super dhampir” is that he gets all the “cool stuff” from the best vampires but none of the weaknesses. But better yet is he’s actually superior to other dhampirs. Most dhampirs can’t take more than a few hours of sunlight. D can spend days out in it. Most dhampirs need to drink at least three cups of blood a day. D can survive on one cup every three days. Most dhampirs need to be buried in natural soil once a month. D can get by with once every two years. Most dhampirs can’t cross running water like a real vampire. D just strolls right across with barely any perceived reduction of motion… You get the idea.

He’s also apparently Doctor Doolittle! In the future they got all kinds of crazy cool sh’t like cyborg horses that beat the pants off your Ferrari. But D’s a mighty “horse whisperer” because when he gets on one he can make it ride twice as fast simply by being there. Of course, the horse dies of a heart attack once D’s done with it…but he can do the same to pretty much any domesticated animal. Someone get this dude a T-Rex to ride!

While D doesn’t drink human blood for reasons that will be outlined below, he’s fully capable of drinking the blood of others. Doing so enhances him by bringing out his vampiric side, causing his speed and strength to double. But more than that, just like any good vampire would, anything he drinks the blood of becomes his mindless ghoul. Normally there’s a restriction that if someone has a great enough will they can resist a vampire’s control unless constantly subjected to the vampire’s influence for a prolonged period, but as everyone is involuntarily attracted to D, what few times he’s used this power he’s proven irresistible.

Speaking of resistance, D is one guy you don’t want to bring to a show in Vegas. He’s got magic resistance that makes him pretty much invulnerable to any charm or spell. All those bad guys who run into him trying to seduce him, entice him, slow him down, or curse him always end up regretting it when he plows right through to lop off their heads. 

It should be known that he’s still not totally invulnerable to magic, however. Time-space spells still do a number on him. And there was an infamous scene in the first book where D was temporarily foiled by an opponent using magic that momentarily turned night into day.

Yeah…kind of left him wide open to get knifed through the heart there…

Oh no, my friend. You see, that was the movie version. In the book version, all the time-bewitching incense did was make him hesitate for a fraction of a second. Even then, the only reason he still got knifed was because his opponent had used a cybernetic enhancement on his stabbing arm after D had encountered him without it. And even then it only worked because D was still expecting him to be as slow as before. His opponent tried the exact same move later when D had a feel for how fast he was. Even the fact that the mutant could phase reality around his body didn’t save him in addition to all that. Yeah…D can handle a bit of magic.

Equipment:

– Japanese longsword (katana)

– Pendant

– Wooden needles

D may not have half the arsenal that his opponent does, but there’s a very good reason for all that…he don’t need all that crap weighing him down! He can take out just about anyone with the bare essentials. His weapon of choice is, well…kind of hard to peg down. The author of the books describes it as a “longsword”, but it’s typically depicted by the artist for the book art and the movies as an extra-long katana…so, we’ll go for the Japanese one. There ain’t anything special about this blade other than it’s well made. It’s not silver. Not holy. Not bathed in the blood of dead vampires…

And none of that has to be true, because D can still kill just about anything with it. That’s because between D’s incredible strength and skill, not to mention he has mastered a swordsman style that only Dracula himself has also mastered, he can turn any bladed weapon into a tool of destruction. With a basic well-made sword he’s cut through supposedly unbreakable shells on monsters, metal, and just about any other weapon that was allegedly unscratchable…all through the force of his strike and technique. Better yet, D can actually cut creatures like werewolves and vampires in such a way that they cannot regenerate, even though his blade isn’t silver. That gives him a tremendous speed advantage because iron is almost half the weight of silver. Not that he needs it as tough as he is… But even more amazing is that D can cut through things that should be totally intangible, such as monsters who turn into mist or shadows. Ginsu has nothing on D.

If he wants to take care of enemies long-range, he keeps his own little supply of wooden needle darts on him at all times. Sure, throwing what are basically toothpicks at monsters doesn’t sound like the smartest thing in the world, but keep in mind D can throw each one faster than a rifle bullet. He uses wood on purpose so that it will pierce and split once inside the body, making it impossible to pull out without leaving a lot behind. That’s one nasty splinter.

D also keeps a mysterious blue pendant around his neck. It’s origins are unknown but it no doubt came from Dracula. Using it, D can deactivate any and all vampire technology known to exist. This allows him to easily bypass any advanced magic or technology-based security systems vampires use to protect themselves.

So…he may not have much, but he’s got it where it counts. Yet if carrying around a sword, some toothpicks, and a blue gem ain’t enough to get him by, he’s got a “partner” of his own that can take out the best of the rest…

That’s right…his Left Hand.

D’s Left Hand:

– Independently acting

– Generates magic based on consumption of the four elements

– Survives when severed from D indefinitely

– Consumes projectiles large enough to fit in its mouth and devours weaker magic attacks and creatures

– At full power, can negate time-space magic and instantly incinerate weaker vampires with one blast

– Regenerates wounds fatal to vampires even at moderate power

Wait…his own left hand is his best weapon?

It is when it has an ancient monster living inside of it. At some point in his life D’s left hand became host to a powerful symbiote who simply goes by the title “Left Hand”. Unlike D, Left Hand is a bit crude, wisecracking, and constantly ribbing D’s nature. But in battle, there’s no partner who’s greater. Enemies who use small projectile attacks or swarm-based attacks are completely ineffective against D because Left Hand can use a “wind tunnel” move to instantly inhale them all and consume them. Any spell that D can’t counter himself can usually be negated by Left Hand, and the symbiote itself can sense the presence and strength of any secret spells about to befall the vampire hunter. In addition, when fully charged, the symbiote can break almost any spell and incinerate weaker vampires with a single blast of flame that instantly burns them to ash.

And how does he get “fully charged” you might ask? He relies on the old Greek four elements: earth, wind, water and fire. He beats the pants off Captain Planet, though. He’s pretty awesome with all four of them, but even if he has only two he can make do with most of his power because he can synthesize the other two from the ones he’s got. And since the world has a lot of dirt and air just lying around doing nothing, he’s rarely in a spot where he can’t do just that.

Debatably the most useful aspect of Left Hand is its ability to completely regenerate D with only two elements handy. Even if D gets stabbed through the heart, a move that would normally slay any vampire, Left Hand can regenerate the wound. About the only thing it seems it can’t regenerate is dismemberment or decapitation. That said, the limb that contains Left Hand can easily detach and reattach from D at will, so D fights with the preference of having that limb cut off against deadlier opponents. While Left Hand can survive separated from D’s body, it puts the vampire hunter at a severe disadvantage, not only in the loss of one of his limbs but the fact that without Left Hand attached he’s far more vulnerable. There have been several fights in history that D would have lost if not for Left Hand regenerating him.

Weaknesses:

– Bound by honor code

– Intentionally heartless

– Not fully immune to vampire weaknesses

– Cannot consume human blood

As tough as D is, even he’s got a few drawbacks. For one thing he’s a stickler for the whole “honor” system. While he’s got no qualms about slicing and dicing you if you try and stab him in the back, if you face him “even” on the field of battle he often spares your life. Fine if you’re an average joe…but he’s normally going up against monsters who bounce back bigger and badder to hurt him later.

D may have the greatest success record in the future when it comes to slaying vampires and monsters…but his record for “saving innocent life” is far more subpar. His success rate is less than 50/50 for his clients or those he’s protecting to get killed anyway. By his own admission, he’s a hunter for hire, not a noble knight. What’s to blame for that is his intentional desire to never become attached to anyone or anything so he doesn’t have to watch them age and die eventually.

While D may be resistant to most “vampire-kill-alls”, and even uses things like crosses from time to time, he’s not immune to them either. Your basic vampire charms like garlic and running water don’t slow him down enough to stop him but he still doesn’t care for them. And if he touches a cross he’ll get burned just like any other vampire would. He can spend a lot of time in the sun but don’t look to him to try and get a tan. Plus he still needs blood and soil to stay alive.

While D does drink blood on occasion, it’s usually from non-human monsters, synthetically made plasma, or even his own blood. He doesn’t drink from humans. More specifically, he can’t drink from humans. Doing so would cause his vampire half to completely overrun his human half and make him a full vampire. But one can assume if he can drink his own blood without negative consequence that other dhampirs would be fine.

That’s our breakdown. So, without waiting to get any longer in the tooth, let’s raise the stakes and get ready for a DEATH BATTLE!

(Cut to a dark forest, rapidly panning through. As it does so, a shape emerges from it…Alucard running at super speed and seeming to glide along the ground. Quickly shift far away from the forest. Coming in from another direction, far more slowly and leisurely on a cyborg horse, is D with his hat bowed low.)

(Both figures come toward a wide open stretch of rock wasteland. Alucard emerges from the forest and comes out on one side, sweeping his cape behind him and brandishing the Alucard Sword, while D leaps off of his horse, draws his own blade as he’s framed against the moon for a moment, and then lands in a way to face off against him…)

FIGHT!

(In two blazes of speed, the two dhampirs shoot for each other and engage in a blinding series of sword clashes, sending out blinding sparks of light as the blades collide again and again. Finally, the scene cuts to slow motion for a moment as their swords go by and the two try to dodge simultaneously, with Alucard’s blade slicing through D’s torso and D driving his own blade through Alucard’s shoulder. Both emit some pain and fly away from each other, going into a crouch. At once, D’s wound regenerates while a Faerie flies out and douses Alucard with a Potion to regenerate.)

(D is up first and springs at Alucard with blinding speed, but using the Gravity Boots Alucard shoots high into the air at an equally fast speed. D’s blade hits only air, and he’s confused a moment before looking up. Alucard, now airborne, quickly morphs into a giant devil bat, and summons a swarm of other bats after him. They all angle down and begin to spit a hailstorm of fireballs at D.)

(The vampire hunter answers by snapping out Left Hand and immediately inhaling each and every fireball, before increasing the power to inhale the bats themselves. Yet it only pulls on Alucard-Bat for a moment before he launches into his Bat Smash move, shooting by at incredible speed and slamming into D, ripping him off of his feet and flinging him through the air hard enough to smash into a tree. On impact, Alucard reverts back into human as well.)

(Not missing a beat, D recovers and slashes out for the humanoid Alucard without slowing, but he quickly uses his “back flash step” to retreat. Afterward, he begins to fling one dagger after another at D, who responds by quickly slashing outward with his blade to deflect each one. However, it keeps him at bay long enough for Alucard to start flinging axes as well. On seeing them incoming, D leaps high into the air himself and starts smacking them out of the way…but that’s just what Alucard wanted as he summons his Tetra Spirits to smack D with four energy spirits at once, arching him back and making him fall to the ground.)

(Still pressing the attack, Alucard dashes in and slashes D three separate times, spilling blood everywhere each time. On the fourth slash, D suddenly snaps to life and braces himself, blocking it with his sword as well as extending Left Hand to swallow some of his own blood…only to have Alucard’s Demon familiar emerge and blast him with a potent electric attack that sends him flying. While still flying backward, the Demon tries to rush in have a follow up hit, only for Left Hand to start inhaling some air while D suddenly springs around and simultaneously lands on his feet while slicing out and cutting the Demon in half. At once, he flings out a wooden needle for Alucard’s heart…)

(Only for Alucard to vanish all together. D pauses. Immediately, he straightens and goes into a ready stance and waits. A moment later, Alucard reappears and opens up his cape, sending out a storm of fireballs. Rather than try to block, D sweeps his cape in front of him and dashes right through, trying to go for Alucard again. Yet as he comes, the dhampir throws out Bibuti ashes in front of him that D runs across, slowing him down. Alucard quickly rushes in to try and deliver another blow…only, to his surprise, D counters with a rapid “stop slash” of his own which, with his longer blade, cuts Alucard first.)

(The dhampir quickly retreats and summons the Faerie to heal him again, but no sooner does she douse him with a High Potion than D overcomes the Bibuti and throws another wooden needle. With a cry of agony, the Faerie falls down dead, and D quickly rushes in on Alucard again. Yet, once again, before he can arrive, another familiar comes out…this one the Sword familiar, who quickly drives for D and begins to hack and slash away at him. The vampire hunter is forced to stand his ground and fend off against the assault while Alucard quickly shoots forward with his own sword and begins to flail away. The assault is furious…but D somehow manages to hold off both opponents at a time…)

(Finally, Alucard snaps back, and suddenly turns into a wolf. He uses his Wolf Smash a moment later, and the sudden burst of speed catches D off guard and rips a large gouge in his body. A moment later, Alucard-Wolf runs by, reverts, shifts out to use the Agunea ring. He manages to “tag” D…but the vampire hunter snaps around and throws another wooden needle with sufficient force to shatter the ring before he can throw any lightning. Alucard is stunned, but goes for his Holy Water…only to have another needle destroy that. He freezes as D takes a moment to have Left Hand grab a fistful of earth and eat it before he snaps up. Before he can attack, however, Alucard has the Sword familiar come at him from behind. At once…D snaps around and slashes two times to create rapid light streaks…and the Sword falls apart into three pieces before reaching him. He turns and rushes at Alucard next…)

(The dhampir used the time, however, to draw the Stopwatch and hits it. Unfortunately, he gets another shock as D is unaffected, and soon brings out his Left Hand to try and finish this by summoning his spectral fire…only to be thwarted as Alucard snaps out his family’s shield and stops him cold. A moment later, moving in a flash, Alucard lashes out and lops D’s Left Hand off of his body, sending it flying away into the darkness.)

(Soon, Alucard is attacking again in a violent storm, slashing and hacking again and again at D and opening one bloody injury after another. Blood flies everywhere, and Alucard uses Dark Metamorphosis to drink it and regenerate what damage was done. In spite of the injuries, D finally manages to stop the assault with another clash, although he’s clearly winded and hurt now. Alucard pauses, and then renews his assault, only for D to intercept the new sword strikes this time. Yet with one hand and weakened, it’s not easy… Finally, however, D breaks the clash by dodging one of Alucard’s swipes and stabbing him in the gut. The dhampir cries out in pain and falters. D manages to rise, and quickly rips out his sword to take off Alucard’s head…)

(Only for the man to turn into poisonous mist and suddenly rush forward and wash over D. The vampire hunter arcs back in pain, being stricken by sickness and flesh-eroding mist, before he falters to the ground. Alucard reappears behind D and then drives out with the Alucard Sword for the back of his body. A bloody slash appears later…and D gives out a cry before he collapses.)

(Withdrawing his blade, Alucard turns and begins to move on past the fallen D. However, he stops after a short distance, hearing something, and turns around and looks back. When he does, he sees D actually rising…his skin a more pale color, his eyes red with bloodlust, and his teeth fanged and dripping from drinking his own blood. Alucard is stunned but readies himself. A moment later, D shoots at him faster than ever, so fast that Alucard turns into poison mist again…only to cry out and revert a moment later when D slices through the mist and hits him anyway. He raises his shield, but D lops off his arm first and cuts the shield in half in the process. He counters with the sword only for D to slice through that and him at the same time.)

(Shocked and running out of options, as D closes in for the kill, Alucard suddenly vanishes in red light. D doesn’t even slash the air. He holds still and waits. Time slowly ticks by…and D suddenly stab out…just in time to drive his blade through Alucard’s heart as he reappears. The son of Dracula gives a cry of agony…and then falls down dead.)

(D takes a moment to revert more to his “human self”…then rises, cleans his blade, and returns it before going to look for his Left Hand.)

KO!

NO! You killed a non-sparkly vampire! And that’s always a tragedy!

Alucard had the arsenal and technique to give D a run for his money, and he even managed to negate D’s most infamous trump card and remove his primary source of regeneration. The pendant D wears was useless as all of Alucard’s items are purely magic without technology incorporated into them. Yet even without Left Hand, D can still both regenerate and power himself up by drinking his own blood, and with no one around to worry about hurting, he was free to use that to double his power. By comparison, the best Alucard was able to do by drinking D’s blood was regenerate.

Alucard threw everything but the kitchen sink at D, but this SOB has seen it all. Time-space warping mutants, impenetrable ancient turtles, monsters that are living Mr. Potato Heads, demon spiders, nightmare pixies…and each and every time they’ve ended up in bloody piles. D has even taken on machines built to destroy entire continents and even the planet. He could handle a few anti-vampire tools.

It’s true that Alucard managed to land his share of blows on D, but unlike D most of his hits were designed for “hacking and slashing”, whereas D, like a true samurai, attempts to strike down with his first and only blow. D’s primary strategy in most of his fights is to go ahead and let his opponent get in a hit or two. Then, like the great knight errant that he is, he masters his opponent’s moves and can counter them. And once D had a feel for how Alucard was acting, his speed took care of the rest.

Alucard in wolf form can go at least 200 mph. However, D once managed to beat a werewolf “to the slash” who was able to strike at the speed of sound. That means D, without being powered up at all by Left Hand or drinking blood, can go faster than 767 mph. Alucard was a slug by comparison and couldn’t hope to even get an attack off unless he distracted D first. Plus while Alucard might have been durable, his magic power dwindled quickly and he was forced to rely on an old move D had already seen. Add to the fact that D can actually cut vapor, and this match was just another bounty for him.

The winner…is Vampire Hunter D.

Advertisements