Applejack, Cinema Sins, comedy, Dean Cadance, Equestria Girls, Equestria Girls: Friendship Games, Everything Wrong With, Fluttershy, Friendship Games, My Little Pony, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, parody, Pinkie Pie, Principal Abacus Cinch, Principal Celestia, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Vice Principal Luna
(Yet another shameless ripoff of Cinema Sins on YouTube. Check them out. They’ve probably done your favorite movie by now.)
I did the first two…so you know this was coming…
MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC – EQUESTRIA GIRLS: FRIENDSHIP GAMES
In the Time It Takes You to Read This or Less.
Sunset Shimmer is now forced to obey the “color morality” rules from “Aladdin”. If she wants to be good, she has to dress in blue now. Also, leather jacket studs are evil so those have to go.
SIN COUNT: 1
Sunset Shimmer just ran past blue leaves. Is this…Pandora?
SIN COUNT: 2
Because “going Super Pony-Jin” was copyrighted.
SIN COUNT: 3
Human Twilight Sparkle is clearly using a Ghostbusters’ PKE Meter.
SIN COUNT: 4
(Shot of Crystal Prep Academy)
Discount Omega Theta Pi/Alpha Beta/Snooty House/Cliche Snobbish Prep School.
SIN COUNT: 5
(Credit sequence with the purple energy tracing the threads)
We interrupt this opening credit sequence to give you the opening credits to “Spider-Man 3”.
SIN COUNT: 6
(The Title “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic – Equestia Girls: Friendship Games”)
Dear movie…we regret to inform you your “Colon Cancer” has progressed and metastasized.
SIN COUNT: 7
Also, movie with “My Little Pony” in the title features absolutely NO ponies.
SIN COUNT: 8
Human Twilight Sparkle’s calendar has a birthday marked at the end of the month. The question is whose birthday would friendless, anti-social Twilight Sparkle be trying to remember? Maybe she’s like Einstein and needs to jot down a reminder of her own birthday.
SIN COUNT: 9
(Credit of Cathy Wessluck as “Spike the Dog”)
In case you would have confused him with “Spike the Baby Dragon Turned Into a Dog”.
SIN COUNT: 10
(Credit of “Abacus Cinch”)
Using the name of one of the most beloved characters in literary history to parody into the name for your villain? That’s a sinning.
SIN COUNT: 11
(Twilight completing the device)
We interrupt this opening credit sequence to bring you the opening credit sequence for “Iron Man 2”.
SIN COUNT: 12
Each of the silly suggestions that Pinkie Pie throws out for the identity of the stranger lurking at the front of the school has a detailed book about it.
SIN COUNT: 13
Movie has essentially the same plot as “Meatballs” with the same faulty logic. You’d be surprised after so many movies about this that the powers that be haven’t realized that all of their “friendly competitions” to try and foster unity and friendship between schools are always just reasons for one school to become bitter and the other to become snobs.
SIN COUNT: 14
It’s sad watching Flash Sentry try to find a purpose in this plot without Twilight Sparkle. Even Derpy pities him.
SIN COUNT: 15
Logically it kind of makes sense why Crystal Prep Academy always wins. It’s a private school for families that have large sums of money to make sure their children are bred for success, whereas Canterlot High School is a public institution that gets everyone by default; going so far as to inadvertently provide shelter for homeless students.
SIN COUNT: 16
Rainbow Dash sings about the school overcoming obstacles when it was really only five or six students with the help of a magic alicorn princess who actually overcame them. The rest of the students just kind of stood around and got brainwashed.
SIN COUNT: 17
And the plot thread in “Rainbow Rocks” involving Trixie went nowhere. They didn’t even bring Kathleen Barr into this one.
SIN COUNT: 18
Vice-Principal Luna hits a new low in intelligence warning the Mane Six that if they use magic they’ll be accused of cheating, not realizing that if someone saw someone else win an event, pointed a finger, and said “no fair, they used magic!” in this world, they would not only have no credibility…they would sound like they were four.
SIN COUNT: 19
Friendship Games have same rules for their competition as the Triwizard Tourney when it comes to knowing events in advance. I wonder if they found some dragons to put on the field…
SIN COUNT: 20
Sunset Shimmer spends hours in library trying to look up information on magic reading books that probably vehemently deny the existence of magic in the universe in the first place.
SIN COUNT: 21
Hours and even days after she asked Twilight for help, Sunset hasn’t gotten an answer from Twilight. Wow…Twilight Sparkle really did turn into Princess Celestia, didn’t she?
SIN COUNT: 22
In this scene with human Twilight Sparkle walking down the hall getting pushed around by everyone else, she technically ran right into the first one.
SIN COUNT: 23
(When Twilight smacks Spike opening the door)
Twilight is a d**k to dogs.
SIN COUNT: 24
TWILIGHT: (Trying to explain Spike) “I’m…trying to do a study on human-dog cohabitation…”
SIN COUNT: 25
What is with Twilight’s room? There’s no excuse for it. Assuming this isn’t a boarding school (which it likely is), then she’s still the best student in the school and they’re basically only letting her set up shop in a boiler room.
SIN COUNT: 26
Even human version of Twilight Sparkle is forced to sing an obligatory “Twilight is Unhappy” song.
SIN COUNT: 27
TWILIGHT: (Singing) “Another me I haven’t met…”
SIN COUNT: 28
(Twilight singing as she goes up the stairs)
SIN COUNT: 29
I never thought anything could actually make me say this, but…I really wish there was a humanized version of King Sombra at this school right now.
SIN COUNT: 30
Principal Cinch keeps this lighting setup in her room because she wants to let the students know how evil she is, and eating kittens alive in front of them was ruining her diet.
SIN COUNT: 31
(On seeing Principal Cinch)
Discount Gregory Peck.
SIN COUNT: 32
CINCH: “It doesn’t really matter whether we win or lose. What matters is we’re expected to win.”
In the words of Ron Burgandy, that doesn’t make any sense.
SIN COUNT: 33
Also, Dean Cadance and, for that matter, Twilight Sparkle’s own brother are a**holes. They pretty much just stand there and silently assent to a horrendously unethical threat and blackmail made to Twilight Sparkle right in front of them. The only excuse is they’re as bad as the principal or they think this is somehow good so long as it uplifts the reputation of the school, at which point that makes them as dumb as boxes of raisins.
SIN COUNT: 34
(Sour Sweet’s reaction to Twilight’s accidental line cutting)
Times like this make me wonder what a Cutie Mark for someone who’s special talent is “sarcasm” would look like. I’m thinking Garfield the cat.
SIN COUNT: 35
(After Sugarcoat’s comment to Twilight Sparkle)
After five seasons and two movies, we finally get a character who was inappropriately named at birth.
SIN COUNT: 36
(When everyone at CHS greets Twilight)
I’m still calling this a sin. Twilight Sparkle to CHS is mostly a powerful alicorn goddess in a human’s body, not someone you saw at lunch yesterday.
SIN COUNT: 37
(When Twilight absorbs the portal before Sunset can pass through it)
Human Twilight Sparkle just ruined only chance of seeing Unicorn Sunset Shimmer in this movie.
SIN COUNT: 38
(Sour Sweet throws down the cup and smashes it in front of CHS)
SIN COUNT: 39
(Pinkie Pie holding her face in front of Twilight grinning)
SIN COUNT: 40
I can understand the CHS students being hostile to CPA after the principal’s literal “Reason You Suck” speech, but why did it make the CPA students hate the CHS students again? Snob motivation?
SIN COUNT: 41
Six of the twelve competitors are the Mane Six in a match where they can be disqualified early after the academic round. Yup, we all know who’s going to be the top spot here, don’t we? Unnamed Grunge Human Student all the way.
SIN COUNT: 42
Derpy doesn’t even last past the montage’s first stanza.
SIN COUNT: 43
Pinkie Pie’s dessert caused Principal Celestia to “drop the fork”.
SIN COUNT: 44
Sorry, Flash Sentry. No conciliatory “Derpy Pat” for you this time. She got disqualified by the filmmakers.
SIN COUNT: 45
Fluttershy refers to Angel Bunny as a “this”. Appropriate seeing as I don’t think anyone figured out which demon from Hell he is.
SIN COUNT: 46
(After Spike gets hit by the yellow beam of magic)
Spike-Voice-Ex-Machina. Ms. Wessluck was tired of barking.
SIN COUNT: 47
The fact Crystal Prep Academy is winning the Friendship Games upsets Principal Cinch enough to try and start cheating. …Wait, what?
SIN COUNT: 48
Human Twilight Sparkle possess the power to drain Equestrian magic and add it to her own power. Did Twilight just turn into…Tirek?
SIN COUNT: 49
(After Pinkie gets pulled up from falling on her face)
Pinkie Pie’s eyes. Look out, she’s slipping into “Pinkamena” mode.
SIN COUNT: 50
The Green Applejack.
SIN COUNT: 51
(On the green tentacle beginning to come out of the small portal)
Oh, that’s not a portal to Equestria. Twilight Sparkle just unlocked an Elderich Horror.
SIN COUNT: 52
(Rarity flinging Pinkie Pie when she holds onto her leg on the rollerblade relay.)
SIN COUNT: 53
(During the action sequence)
Motorcycles! Ramps! Vines! Dash-As-Superman! Things!
SIN COUNT: 54
SUNSET: “It doesn’t matter if they lose if they don’t think they lost!”
Heck, that works for anime villains all the time. Team Rocket hasn’t gotten the hint in almost fifteen years.
SIN COUNT: 55
(Principal Cinch’s villain song)
SIN COUNT: 56
(Human Twilight Sparkle being drawn into the white light)
We interrupt this movie to bring you “Akira”…and the fact they referenced that anime is so awesome I’m afraid I’ll have to remove a sin.
SIN COUNT: 55
(When trying to pull students out of the hole)
APPLEJACK: Hang on!
SIN COUNT: 56
(When students are falling into the shattered reality and others are struggling to pull them out, Celestia, Luna, and Cadance are all just standing and staring at a distance.)
Don’t just do something…STAND THERE!
SIN COUNT: 57
(When Sour Sweet, Sugarcoat, Sunny Flare, Indigo Zap, and Lemon Zest run back to help the others)
Discount Mane Six…helping the actual Mane Six.
SIN COUNT: 58
(Sunset Shimmer’s new form)
Neo Queen Sunset Shimmer-enity.
SIN COUNT: 59
Spike can still talk after Sunset Shimmer fixed everything.
SIN COUNT: 60
(Celestia telling Cinch how no one would believe her about the magic and transformations)
Celestia just pointed out ridiculousness of own premise.
SIN COUNT: 61
And screw you, Cadance. After listening in on Cinch before, you do not get to stand on the side of “moral superiority” as if you were so above that.
SIN COUNT: 62
SUNSET: “I’m sure they’ll be more problems to pop up in this world…”
SIN COUNT: 63…64…65…66…67
Twilight-Meeting-Twilight ignores the fact we still have a human Sunset Shimmer not accounted for in this universe.
SIN COUNT: 68
FINAL COUNT: 68
SENTENCE: DIMENSIONAL RIFT INTO THE G1 UNIVERSE (“Whoa dude! What is that?!“)
(After Twilight’s long, rambling response to Indigo Zap)
HAM(V.O.): “You’re killin’ me, Smalls!”
(As Twilight tries to find a seat)
(Forrest Gump voiceover)
KID(V.O.): This seat’s taken.
KID(V.O.): You can’t sit here!
(Shot of Twilight finishing her invention and powering it up)
(Iron Man voiceover)
YINSEN(V.O.): That doesn’t look like the Jericho missile.
TONY STARK(V.O.): That’s because it’s a miniaturized arc reactor. I’ve got a big one powering my factory at home.
YINSEN(V.O.): What will it generate?
TONY STARK(V.O.): If my math is right, and it always is, three gigajoules per second.
(“A One Winged Angel” from Final Fantasy VII plays)