Applejack, comedy, Fluttershy, knockoff, My Little Pony, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, season finale, Spike, Starlight Glimmer, The Cutie Re-Mark, Twilight Sparkle
(The following is a parody of “How It Should Have Ended” or HISHE, which has its own channel on YouTube. I don’t think this is one they’ll ever do, so I think I’m in the clear… But make sure you check them out because they’ve done dozens of well-done animations pointing out how various movies should have logically ended, and even some Lego ones!)
(Normally I would never do a TV series episode, but…sheesh, if ever there was one that needed it…)
(Scene opens on the wasteland future with Twilight Sparkle, Spike, and an enraged, screaming Starlight Glimmer)
STARLIGHT: You want to know what happened to me?! I’ll show you!!
(Starlight blasts the map, throwing herself, Twilight, and Spike back in time.)
(The three emerge in an idyllic community far in the past, right in the middle of a dirt road)
TWILIGHT: Where are we?
STARLIGHT: That “map” of yours is connected to every part of Equestria. And this part is my home.
(Leads Twilight on toward one of the houses and points through a window, showing the filly version of herself and Sunburst making the stack of books)
STARLIGHT: Sunburst and I did everything together. In fact, I don’t remember us ever being apart. Until today…
(Filly Starlight pulls a book free, causing the stack to start toppling over onto her. Sunburst stops it using his own magic, then gets his Cutie Mark as a result. Leaping for joy, he runs outside and shows his parents and the community, leaving filly Starlight behind. She starts crying.)
STARLIGHT: And just like that…my friend was gone. His family recognized his magical talent and sent him off to Canterlot. I never saw him again…
SPIKE: Well…why not?
STARLIGHT: (Furious) Because of his Cutie Mark! He got his and I didn’t! He moved on and I didn’t! I stayed here and never made another friend because I was too afraid a Cutie Mark would take them away too!
(Both Twilight and Spike are stunned at her sudden violence…then Twilight blinks.)
TWILIGHT: Wow…that’s amazing.
STARLIGHT: What is?!
TWILIGHT: You are pretty much 100% wrong.
STARLIGHT: (Stunned, then more enraged) What?!
SPIKE: You’re like if somepony got drunk and killed your best friend by running them over with a wagon, rather than blame the pony who did it or fermented cider, you’re blaming the wagon wheels.
TWILIGHT: Did you ever even congratulate him for what happened to him? For getting his special talent or moving on to Canterlot? Or were you just angry that him getting his Cutie Mark meant he moved away from you? Because if you did, how can you really say you were his friend when all you ever cared about was your own happiness?
(Starlight is still enraged…but pauses.)
TWILIGHT: Did you ever write to him? Did you ever try to visit? As good as you are at magic, you should have been able to go to Canterlot too, but you didn’t. You just stayed at your house being afraid. Did you ever try to do anything to maintain a long distance friendship? Or did you just “blame the Cutie Mark” and stay inside your house?
(Starlight begins to go from looking angry to looking uncomfortable)
TWILIGHT: Did you ever think that if he abandoned you that it had nothing to do with his Cutie Mark? That maybe he just didn’t care about you as much as you thought he did? Or that he didn’t really abandon you…that maybe you were the one who did the abandoning? What stopped you from making friends with other ponies when both of you already had your Cutie Marks? If you really thought Cutie Marks ruined friendship, then why did you get so upset when the rest of the ponies in your commune told you to give up yours? Technically, you drove them away because you wouldn’t give up your own Cutie Mark. You tried to force other ponies to be who you wanted them to be so they wouldn’t abandon you. Don’t you realize that you’re so scared of ponies not accepting you for who you are that you’re forcing them to change to accommodate your own fear? That you’re becoming the very thing you’re most afraid of?
(Starlight blinks a few times, then starts to tear up.)
STARLIGHT: You…you’re right. (Looks down at herself) I’ve…I’ve become a monster. I let one bad thing that happened to me twist and distort me so much that I can only see the world through that “lens”… I’ve turned into what I hate more than anything… (Meekly looks up) I…I don’t know what to say… I’m sorry…
TWILIGHT: That’s ok. You’ve already made up for it by taking me back in time to when you were a filly.
(Twilight shoots out a death beam through the window and atomizes filly Starlight Glimmer. Starlight gapes in horror while Twilight grins and “faux claps”.)
TWILIGHT: Think my aim has “improved” yet?
(Starlight tightens her face in rage…before she is erased from existence.)
(Scene cuts to the round table about the Cutie Map with all of the Mane Six.)
TWILIGHT: …So yeah, it seems the one thing she didn’t count on was getting so mad she’d take me back in time to when she was a filly and putting me in “shooting range”. Well…at that point it was simply a matter of “turnabout is fair play”.
(The others look kind of uneasy.)
APPLEJACK: Uh…weren’t that a mite “cold”?
RAINBOW DASH: Shouldn’t you have…tried to make friends with her…or something?
TWILIGHT: Well, I thought about that for a moment…before I realized she was not only smarter, more clever, and more powerful than me…and I’m an alicorn, for crying out loud, whose special talent is magic itself…but that she was a nutcase! I mean, for Celestia’s sake! She nearly turned Equestria into a wasteland just to get back at me for ruining her commune…and all I did was reveal her own hypocrisy! Not to mention she used brainwashing tactics, had a controlling personality, and thought nothing of manipulating those fillies in the past as tools! She was a textbook sociopath! Plus she’s been stalking us all year!
RARITY: (Musing) …When you put it that way, I suppose you’re right.
PINKIE PIE: Yeah…I guess it’d be kind of silly to expect her to be completely different just by telling her to “make new friends”… She might snap again any day.
APPLEJACK: One thing ah still don’t get, though… Ya’ said whenever ya’ went back in time everythin’ turned out different even when the same thing got changed. So don’t that mean even if ya’ don’t change nothin’, just by bein’ there y’all should have messed everythin’ up?
(Twilight pauses on hearing that…when the doors to the chamber are suddenly thrown open. Moments later, a carpet is rolled in and a royal procession of armored ponies and pegasi playing trumpets and strewing rose petals walks in. A single herald stands out before them and unrolls a scroll.)
HERALD: Announcing her most royal majesty, the Queen of Equestria!
(He stands back…allowing an alicorn Derpy Hooves in royal regalia to walk in. She stops and blinks her walleyes at the Mane Six.)
DERPY: …Who are you six and what are you doing in my castle?
(Scene is right after Twilight, Starlight, and Spike get back and the other members of the Mane Six walk in on them. Applejack narrows her eyes.)
APPLEJACK: Uh…what’s she doing here?
(Starlight turns her head in shame.)
TWILIGHT: Actually… (Pauses…then smiles) I’m waiting for you all to get here. Now that you are…RAINBOW POWER FORMS!
STARLIGHT: (Looking up in shock) Wait…what?
(The six morph into their Rainbow Power forms and take aim at her.)
TWILIGHT: Dodge this. TASTE THE RAINBOW MOTHER(BEEP)!!
(Starlight screams as she’s annihilated by rainbow beams of destruction.)