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As always, this is a shameless knockoff of “Cinema Sins” and you should check out their vast collection on Youtube. They’re hilarious if you don’t mind nitpicking.

It took four movies to finally do what would have been better done after the second: split the Equestria Girls franchise into a stand alone series. Enjoy what looks suspiciously like a pilot episode!

Everything.

Wrong.

With.

“MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC – EQUESTRIA GIRLS: LEGEND OF EVERFREE”

In the Time It Takes You to Read This or Less.

SPOILERS!

(duh)

In a few moments we’ll find out this is all just a dream sequence and a nightmare, but I’m still pretty sure that if Sci-Twi is anything like Twilight Sparkle, even in her dreams she wouldn’t wait until fifteen minutes before the bus left to start packing for a month of camp. She’d be up at 3 AM with a checklist for her checklist about making a checklist of a checklist of things to bring.

SIN COUNT: 1

(A picture of Rainbow Dash gets thrown into the suitcase.)

What would Sci-Twi need a picture of Rainbow Dash at camp for? Is Rainbow Dash’s ego so big that she keeps framed pictures of herself to give out to anyone if the occasion calls for it? Or does Sci-Twi actually keep a framed picture of Rainbow Dash around? Damnit, I just provided shipping bait.

SIN COUNT: 2

(Shot of Sci-Twi’s closet.)

Sci-Twi has a dress in her closet with prosthetic wings. So I guess although she can’t sleep due to constant nightmares about Midnight Sparkle, she still loved the wings so much she wanted to incorporate them into her fashion.

SIN COUNT: 3

(During the room disintegrating)

Sci-Twi has entered the Twilight Realm. (Rimshot) Sorry, I meant the Twilight Zone. (Rimshot)

SIN COUNT: 4

And on the bus ride through the beautiful, Wyoming-esque landscape leading to Camp Everfree, Sunset Shimmer does exactly what any real student going to camp would do: spend the entire time on her phone.

SIN COUNT: 5

When you get a whole shot of Camp Everfree and consider the scale, the entire camp must be on an area the size of maybe two football fields.

SIN COUNT: 6

The “No Offense” jokes still aren’t funny.

SIN COUNT: 7

(Flash Sentry trying to talk to Sci-Twi)

Hi, I’m in the plot! NOTICE ME, SENPAI.

SIN COUNT: 8

(Bulk Biceps suggesting arts-and-crafts.)

Muscle-Head-Likes-Quiet-Delicate-Activities Cliche.

SIN COUNT: 9

(During the bit where Gloriosa approves every suggested activity)

Is Gloriosa Daisy just saying “yes” without thinking, or does the camp actually have looms?

SIN COUNT: 10

Also, Gloriosa immediately agrees with the crowd’s demands, offering enthusiastic approval for whatever they desire, without any thought as to whether or not she can fulfill these demands just so long as she keeps them happy. What does she think she’s doing? Running for President?

SIN COUNT: 11

Yeah, yeah, Celestia and Luna make a joke tying into the alicorn Celestia and Luna relationship about making the sundial, but I’m pretty sure the totem pole with the sun at top higher than the moon was their project.

SIN COUNT: 12

Also, why would non-night-goddess, perfectly-normal-human Luna really care that you could only use the sundial during the day?

SIN COUNT: 13

GLORIOSA DAISY (While handing out tent assignments): Guys, you’re with me!

In real life, there is not one high school in America that wouldn’t include at least one student who would snicker childishly at that.

SIN COUNT: 14

APPLEJACK & RAINBOW DASH: (When finding they’re in the same tent) Whoo-hoo!

Shyah…that’s what your fandom said.

SIN COUNT: 15

(Brief shot of Gloriosa’s clipboard)

There is literally nothing on Gloriosa’s itinerary besides a giant camp letterhead and a cartoon cat sketch.

SIN COUNT: 16

Rich-Industrialist-Creep-Is-Out-To-Shut-Camp-Down Cliche.

SIN COUNT: 17

The Sapphire tent came with a rather nice dog bed. Maybe Gloriosa really does plan for everything.

SIN COUNT: 18

(While unpacking)

Sunset Shimmer liked the camp shirts so much she decided to buy two, only with different colored sleeves.

SIN COUNT: 19

(Sunset saying how Sci-Twi’s telekinesis is “cooler” than things they’ve done.)

Yeah, because being able to grow wings and shoot rainbows of death out of your fingertips is way lamer than making crud lying around your tent float for about ten seconds.

SIN COUNT: 20

(When Sci-Twi keeps insisting on keeping her magic a secret from everyone)

After three movies, the best we can do with the fourth one is the moral from Season One’s “Green Isn’t Your Color”.

SIN COUNT: 21

(Sunset’s vain attempt to levitate objects)

Magicless human outdoes incredibly powerful magic unicorn.

SIN COUNT: 22

(The very short scene with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy when the bird flies down and lands on her finger)

And…the whole purpose of this scene was to create that joke for the previews.

SIN COUNT: 23

Applejack knocks the entire top off one of the dock posts with a single kick. Since I don’t think a dock post made out of styrofoam would break that easily, I’m calling BS on it holding Celestia, Luna, and Gloriosa’s combined weight right now.

SIN COUNT: 24

(Rainbow Dash’s comment about the Wondercolts having a reputation to uphold)

What reputation is that? The reputation for continuously drawing magical supervillain threats to you? Because I’m pretty sure you’ll have that one covered without rebuilding the dock.

SIN COUNT: 25

(Bulk Biceps ripping apart the old dock while standing on it)

Unsafe.

SIN COUNT: 26

Derpy has a hammer. We are all going to die.

SIN COUNT: 27

(Wilhelm Scream when the tree falls down on the cabin)

No! Not Uncle Wilhelm’s Cabin!

SIN COUNT: 28

(After Timber Spruce concludes his tale)

“…Oh, and there was also that one year a bunch of the counselors let a deformed child drown, or something…”

SIN COUNT: 29

(One shot of Sunset’s lantern near her bed)

Is that lantern using a flower for a light bulb…?

SIN COUNT: 30

The Wondercolts have the dock practically finished in one day. Was there a bunch of waterproof lumber lying around the camp on standby?

SIN COUNT: 31

(When Derpy and Sandalwood’s [yes, he has a name now] boat takes off)

Oh, that’s not magic. That’s just Derpy’s propensity for disaster.

SIN COUNT: 33

(After Trixie’s one and only line)

Damnit, writers. You drug Kathleen Barr all the way into the studio just for that.

SIN COUNT: 34

Sigh…another “Twilight is Unhappy” song.

SIN COUNT: 35

TIMBER SPRUCE: “I wanted to hang out at the mall.” (Realizing what he said) “Heh, I was, like, ten.” (Pause) “I’ve never told that to anyone.”

That you wanted to hang out at the mall when you were ten?

SIN COUNT: 36

(Sunset accosting Timber about what he’s doing out in the woods)

Yeah, aren’t you a counselor? Isn’t you meeting with Sci-Twi secretly not only legally irresponsible but asking for statutory rape charges?

SIN COUNT: 37

(Pinkie Pie debuting her new power)

Pinkie Pie turned into Gambit.

SIN COUNT: 38

(Fluttershy debuting her new power)

And Fluttershy’s power is…she’s pretty much still Fluttershy. Granted, that is kind of a power in and of itself, but still.

SIN COUNT: 39

(When the group of birds flies in and lands on Fluttershy’s arms)

Yeah, birds of prey are always friends with birds that are potential meals.

SIN COUNT: 40

(After super fast Rainbow Dash smacks a wall and falls to the ground)

Rainbow Dash runs face-first into this wall…then holds her lower back in pain.

SIN COUNT: 41

(Gloriosa running in with the hot towels and hat for Applejack)

So Gloriosa bought a cowboy hat to keep on standby in case a cowgirl camper arrived? I’m starting to see why this camp is running out of money in spite of apparently still pulling in crowds.

SIN COUNT: 42

SCI-TWI: (To Sunset about her past transformation) That was different! You turned into something beautiful!

I dunno, Sci-Twi. I mean…have you watched “Puella Magi Madoka Magica”?

SIN COUNT: 43

If Timber Spruce was a pony, his cutie mark would be uncontrollable wood chopping.

SIN COUNT: 44

Dock that was built in one day takes two to repair when partially damaged.

SIN COUNT: 45

(When Pinkie throws the nails but they don’t go off)

Saved by a G rating.

SIN COUNT: 46

What’s the best power for an individual who first turned into a 10 foot tall flaming succubus with incredible magic power, then a magic singing werehorse, then a magic singing werehorse with flaming phoenix wings, and finally Neo Queen Serenity? …Tactile empathy! It makes her…uh…essentially a weaker version of Counselor Troi.

SIN COUNT: 47

FLASH: (To Sunset) I’m glad I ran into you.

You’re my last chance of getting in on the plot.

SIN COUNT: 48

(When Flash says he “knows” Sunset from when they were dating)

Yeah…that’s why you never knew she was really a unicorn from another dimension and secretly backstabbing and manipulating the entire student body for over three years.

SIN COUNT: 49

(Derpy coming by and patting Flash)

Your future is Derpy, Flash. It was always Derpy.

SIN COUNT: 50

Also, the Nostalgia Critic is right. If the plot has a weak moment that doesn’t work and you point it out once, it’s funny. When you do it more than once, and over two movies no less, it just points out your own laziness.

SIN COUNT: 51

 

(After Sunset grabs Gloriosa’s arm)

Ok, tactile empathy has one advantage. It negates the need for Villainous Exposition.

SIN COUNT: 52

So I guess Gloriosa saw how much power five of these magic crystal nubs gave her and decided: “Yeah, I think I’m good with that.” and decided to leave these other two behind until now.

SIN COUNT: 53

(Gloriosa’s “Gaia Everfree Reborn” form)

Discount Poison Ivy.

SIN COUNT: 54

(After Gloriosa moves the boulders in front of the cave to trap Sci-Twi and Sunset)

That fiend! They’ll have to help each other crawl over medium sized boulders to scoot out of the still-large opening at the top of the entrance now!

SIN COUNT: 55

…Ok, one sin off for Snips and Snails’ reaction to Gloriosa Daisy.

SIN COUNT: 54

(After Applejack comments that Gloriosa’s feet aren’t touching the ground, and they gasp as Pinkie Pie darts in horizontally in midair)

…And another one off for that.

SIN COUNT: 53

So psychotic Gloriosa’s plan is to imprison all the campers and herself and force them to have her twisted brand of fun. She’s basically demonic Clark Griswold. Or not-so-demonic Flowey the Flower.

SIN COUNT: 54

(Fluttershy asking why this always happens to them)

Blame Hasbro, Fluttershy. Creepy dolls designed to compete with “Monster High” and “Ever After High” aren’t going to sell themselves.

SIN COUNT: 55

Are the Mane Seven wearing glorified crystal band uniforms? Does Japan have a patent on sailor suits, or something?

SIN COUNT: 56

In “Rainbow Rocks”, the villains had to be beaten by the Mane Seven plus Vinyl Scratch uniting the sum of their powers. In “Friendship Games”, the villain was beaten by Sunset Shimmer alone, but only after absorbing the power of the Mane Six, and with a bit of help from Spike. In “Legend of Everfree”, the villain is defeated by one telekinetic attack made by Sci-Twi, with the rest of the Mane Seven pretty much just pulling a Rob Schneider and going: “YOU CAN DO IT!” At this rate, the villain for the fifth movie is going to lose by getting sent to time out.

SIN COUNT: 57

And Celestia and Luna did what they do best in a crisis: sat things out.

SIN COUNT: 58

And so…the plot that tried to teach the moral of not trying to handle all insurmountable problems by yourself but to instead realize your limitations as a single person and to rely on your friends and loved ones for support and strength is resolved by a single person handling an insurmountable problem by herself. Uh…friendship is magic…I guess?

SIN COUNT: 59

(Referring to their new necklaces) “What are these?”

Tie-ins to the next movie, duh.

SIN COUNT: 60

(Gloriosa bringing up the camp going to be closed)

Oh yeah, we have a much weaker subplot to still resolve, don’t we?

SIN COUNT: 61

What’s a recipe for a successful fund raiser? Having a band no one knows headline it!

SIN COUNT: 62

Pinkie’s contribution to help set up the ball in the cave is to pretty much just throw explosions around…and she’s right because explosions make everything better.

SIN COUNT: 63

So the reason Sci-Twi disliked Flash but gravitated to Timber is because Flash wasn’t smarmy enough with just a dash of being a know-it-all, eh?

SIN COUNT: 64

GLORIOSA: (Telling Timber to meet some of the fundraiser guests) “They were good friends with mom and dad.”

Then one day Gloriosa and Timber’s parents went to the same farm Applejack’s parents went to and became much happier.

SIN COUNT: 65

“You’re not going to ask us to give them up, are you?” SUNSET: “No!”

Because we don’t have to worry about being corrupted by magic although everyone else immediately is when they use it; we’re the protagonists.

SIN COUNT: 66

(Post credits sequence after Pinkie’s food blows up the dock)

And no one can ever eat anything Pinkie tries to make for them again…ESPECIALLY cupcakes.

SIN COUNT: 67

FINAL COUNT: 67

SENTENCE: A WEEKEND AT CRYSTAL LAKE (Sss-sss-sss-sss…hah-hah-hah-hah…)


 

(Scene where Gloriosa Daisy starts to sing)

POISON IVY (V.O): I am mother nature’s arm! Her spirit! Her will! Hell…I am Mother Nature!


 

SUNSET: (To Sci-Twi) But there is no Midnight Sparkle! There’s only you!

EVIL VOICE (V.O): There is no Dana, only Zuul.

 

 

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